check one.

i hung out with a.j., brandon and tracee last night. it was fun. we ate in earhart. shared some stories with brandon from our adventures last year. he enjoyed them. haha then, we went to the pool hall and played for about 2 hours. it was nice. it reminded me of last year when i would hang out with the boys. :) after we came back from the pool hall, a.j. had to leave so we hung out at brandon's apartment for another 2-3 hours just sharing hilarious stories. brandon is the best storyteller. i was almost pissing my pants all night.

hopeful or pathetic?

source: http://www.flickr.com/photos/powerpig/3390256612/sizes/o/

i am so goddamn full of hope!
i am hopeful that sonia will not have to work and we can go see the whigs next friday!!!!!
i am hopeful that i see aj this weekend.
i am hopeful that i will be able to pull off a 3.0 GPA this semester.
i am hopeful that i will get my act together and start going to class again.
i am hopeful that i don't fail my two exams next week.
i am hopeful that i run into boy sometime within the next few days.
i am hopeful that he likes me.
i am hopeful that i can at some point learn how to balance fun and school.

maybe i'm just lame. maybe i'm lazy. fuck, maybe i am a ...

i'm fucking scared that none of these things (above) will happen and i'll be a failure.

source: http://www.flickr.com/photos/margaretv/3079472972/sizes/o/

fuck you.

sometimes people, that are the "closest" to you, are just not nice.

i just don't understand. i was/am so hurt.

p.s. i need to learn to stop hitting people. i'm not even kidding. i'm that much of a child.

super cool.

so...i met a boy today. :)

we have a lot in common.
he doesn't like labels or generalizations.
he loves music.
he's a songwriter. <3
my friends and i talked to him and his friend for almost 2 hours.
he kept giving me high fives and telling me how cool i was.
he gave me this incredibly long hug when we parted. seriously... super long.
he's very cute.

we have no way to contact each other. i keep telling the girls that we will run into him soon.

i really really hope so.

shoot me now.

i hate school. it should die. i don't even go to most of my classes anymore.

i can't wait until summer.

a week late.

the whigs were amazing!!! not many pictures, i had too much fun. i have tons of pictures of them anyway.



talked to them all, parker and tim were very very excited to see me. they both gave me several hugs. i always feel so loved after seeing them. haha we told them we'd be in nashville and they seemed to be quite happy. those guys are so fucking awesome. unfortunately i got kicked out early because of being underage. fuck that security guard. i was WITH tim and he still told me i couldn't stay.

woopie!

spring break, fuck yes!!!!!!!!!!!!

great...now i hear my mom and step-dad arguing about stupid shit.
i'm leaving this house. peace out, bitches.

one more class.

i once again have a ton of people in my room. i'm excited. i'm making a few friends that actually like some of the same music, and they are just plain awesome. :) we're watching fern gully right now. GREAT movie. it's a movie gone green before it was cool to go green. i'm also painting my nails right now. red yay!

one more class tomorrow morning and then i'm on SPRING BREAK! fuck yes. i can't wait to have no school for a week. and sit back at home and read and hopefully it will be warm enough to go on walks and take photos. i still have to pack a lot more. i'm the worst procrastinator.

also, i'm seeing the whigs tomorrow!!!! not on saturday though. :( i know, i'm a spoiled brat. i get sad when i only see a band once. haha hopefully i'll get to talk to them. they're such nice guys.

birthday weekend.

my birthday weekend was fun. Got sooooo drunk on Friday. probably the drunkest I've ever been, sloppy drunk too. kinda gross...oh well. i fell on my ass while dancing to BAD music, i tried to punch a punching bag and had to stand there and concentrate to make my fist hit the bag, and i drunk texted all my guy friends (they appreciate it the most). crazy night. no puking. no hangover. i'm amazing. haha went out on saturday too but i only had one drink, that was very good, but i had no desire to drink after getting so wasted the night before.

more later, when the thousands of people get out of my room. haha

edit:

i'm sooo ready for spring break.

it's my birthday!!!

I just want to run around!
I just want to party DOWN!
I just want to run around!
I just want to party DOWN!

Drug runs and beer busts, it's all I know!
I don't wanna grow up and have to let go!
I feel the pressure to change my ways!
All I see are more dark days!

??? teenage ways is on my brain!
Get away, a feeling I can't explain!
I don't want this thing to ever stop!
Just shut up, and hand over that pop!

Just 19 when I lost all my dignity!
Today's my birthday, and now I'm 20!
Don't wanna have responsibility!
Don't wanna be a part of society!

I wanna be where the boys are, too!
I wanna do the things I wanna do!
I won't do what you tell me to!
I don't wanna have to listen to you!

??? teenage ways is on my brain!
Get away, a feeling I can't explain!
I don't want this thing to ever stop!
Just shut up, and hand over that pop!

What's the point of doing something?
Every night gotta feel the pain!
Some people say that I'm disgusting!
I don't care, I just think they're lame!
Kill the rainbow, FEEL THE ROCKS!

Just 19 when I lost all my dignity!
Today's my birthday, and now I'm 20!
Don't wanna have responsibility!
Don't wanna be a part of society!

I just want to run around!
I just want to party DOWN!
I just want to run around!
Party DOWN, whoo!

Next year I'll be 21!
Look out, world, 'cuz I wanna have fun!
Next year I'll be 21!
Look out, world, 'cuz I wanna have FUN!

Super Soaked by Be Your Own Pet

i am busy.

skipping classes and being a teenager for the very last time!



10 hours left of childhood.


This is the last day I can live by this song. haha

19 you're only 19 for God's sake,
Oh, you don't need a boyfriend.
19 you're only 19 for God's sake,
Oh, you don't need a boyfriend.

Look what he's made you do to your arm again,
He said he'd come round but he's gone out with his friends,
And I know how it feels to be your age
And feel the world is caving in.

Another drama by the kitchen sink tonight,
You said you'd cut yourself whilst washing up the knives,
Another week off school won't do you any good,
And I know how it feels to be your age.

19. you're only 19 for God's sake,
Oh, you don't need a boyfriend.
19. you're only 19 for God's sake,
Oh, you don't need a boyfriend.

Come back with me, and find out what you really want,
Come home with me you'll only have to do it once,
'cause I know what it feels like to be your age,
You only have to do it once,
And never again.

Another drama by the kitchen sink tonight,
You said you'd cut yourself whilst washing up the knives,
Another week off school won't do you any good,
And I know how it feels to be your age.

You know I'm not so young,
I spend an hour getting ready every day,
And still I end up looking more or less the same,
But I could show you,
A thing or two.

Oh, I could show you the ropes,
Yes I could show you the ropes,
And I would cut my hair for you,
'Cause I know how it feels.

I know how it feels to be your age,
I know how it feels to be your age,
Oh, how I'd love to feel a girl your age,
Your age,
Once and never again!

-The Long Blondes
"Once and Never Again"

disclaimer: i am not a cutter. and no boy has actually ever made me want to cause myself harm. but...it's still very relevant.

bullshit.

i wish all friends could be good friends.

see, i have this friend (taylor) that has a boyfriend of 1 year. he's pretty cool, i don't want to see him all day, everyday (he's a hardcore republican) but i can surely stand him and he's super nice to me. her roommate (courtney) HATES him. always has. so she started going over to his dorm everyday instead of staying at ours. it has now turned into her leaving here ASAP and not coming home until 9-10 at night. she goes to bed by 11-12, not like me who is up until 2. and on the weekends she never comes home. so i get to hang out with her for an hour, maybe two, a day...and she lives DOWN THE HALL. she is over there 10 hours every single day! ridiculous much?
okay, so that sucks, and we've been around and around with this all semester and she doesn't speak to us about the situation in person, always over text or im. but my birthday is thursday and teece's is tomorrow. we are celebrating both on friday night. so i tell tay the plan: eating at windsor (girls only) at 5, getting ready, hookah!, spanish frat (i know...we'll see...) and she says "i'll have to pass on hookah and the frat" i ask "why?" she says "hookah makes me sick and i don't wanna go to a frat" so i say "ok, are you going to stay here and hang out with me on my actual birthday?" she says "i have a test thursday night." i couldn't even think of a response so i just typed "k" and she wrote back "sorry". no attempt, whatsoever, to hang out with me. SO WHEN THE FUCK ARE YOU GONNA HANG OUT WITH ME?!?!!?!?! my fucking birthday. she doesn't fucking care. fuck you.

i just want to SCREAM at her. but...if i started, she'd cry or make up some excuse.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

i dyed my hair today. YAY!


i only have 27 more hours of being a teenager. how exciting/weird.